Comments on: Different Forms Of Grief

By: Ben Twickerbill

Ben Twickerbill — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 17:35:56 +0000

So unlike the NYT to come off half cocked about something like open wheel racing…. The NYT nanny newsrag for the nanny state.. The southeastern portion of it at any rate…

By: A fan

A fan — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 23:56:57 +0000

Like JHall14, I’ve been around racing a long time, and no death in racing affected me like this one, simply because Dan Wheldon was so ready and willing to reach out to everyone, including those of us in the media.

But one can grieve and criticize the circumstances that led to his death at the same time. And much, from the size of the field — six more cars than allowed for a race other than the 500 in the rulebook — to the role Bernard had in circumventing that rule, plus selecting Las Vegas, a track with a history of open-wheel accidents with smaller fields, to the instructions given to the field by Brian Barnhart. I’d find it unfair to criticize the individuals in the race, who, after all, go racing when the green flag is waved.

But such criticism should be backed up by facts and logic. A New York Times story a few days ago was riddled with factual errors, and served only to malign Wheldon’s reputation to those with no knowledge of him beforehand.

By: JohnMc

JohnMc — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 14:26:58 +0000

I can’t add much more to that except to say that Indianapolis is where Dan really lived. I know now the hurt my parents felt when they lost Vuky. They were there that day and he was their guy. They spoke of him with reverent tones for many years afterwards.

By: Indygrrrl

Indygrrrl — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 14:26:54 +0000

I will be glad for the time I can laugh, post, or tweet without feeling guilty that I don’t feel bad enough for everybody.

By: Bent Wickerbill

Bent Wickerbill — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 12:41:04 +0000

Great stuff JHall14… Thanks, Bent…

By: JHall14

JHall14 — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 16:57:10 +0000

George, I am 56 years old, have followed this sport since 1960, my 1st Indy 500 race. I have seen more than my share of racers parish in practice/qualifications/race day at the speedway. I have watched races on TV, and last Sunday’s race went from the highest highs to the lowest of lows. Today, I drove to the speedway to pay my respects at the Turn 1 gate. For the life of me, I have never been affected in the past, like Dan’s passing has affected me this time. I hope the old attage, that time heals all wounds, is true. I know it is, but right now, time seems to be standing still. As mentioned before, “Taps” and all the other pre race festivities, ie Jim Nabors and “Back Home Again in Indiana”, there’s no place to be other than the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. It captured Dan Wheldon just like it captured the rest of us. R.I.P Dan, you were a true “Champion”, on & off the track.

Thanks George for allowing us to express our feelings also with this outlet.

By: Brian

Brian — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 16:21:49 +0000

Well said.

By: Ron Ford

Ron Ford — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 14:43:51 +0000

During the last few days I have been watching some YouTube clips of interviews that Dan did over the years, such as when he was on Letterman after his first Indy500 win and one he did with Lauren Bohlander. Dan had such a quick wit and was such a scamp that I find myself laughing away the sadness. Of course, Lauren Bohlander is no slouch in the wit department so the two of them together was pretty funny. I believe (as PressDog has suggested) that with the passage of time fans will remember Dan more for the kind of person he was than for his considerable racing skills.

Never-the-less, when it is once again time for our good friend Jim Nabors I will be surprised if there is a dry eye in the stands.

Thanks for sending some more thoughtful bytes our way George.

By: meeshbeer

meeshbeer — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 14:43:32 +0000

If George and I are on the same wavelength, then I am indeed in good company.

It would appear that both of our takes needed to be heard by someone.

I still have “teary” moments as the realization that he is really gone hits me suddenly, or I put myself in the shoes of Susie and her babies, which grips me to the core. And admittedly I felt a little guilty last night going to a function and being “happy”, which sort of was the catalyst to my sitting down a exploring the grief process a little more. But life goes on.

My personal timeline for things like this is you grieve openly from notification to burial, then you privatize and compartmentalize your grief and get back to a “new” normal. Depending on how close you were to the deceased, that could take considerably longer than the next person.

So, come Monday morning, I will start looking forward, not back, and begin to discuss things other than Dan, and scrutinize, and look ahead to 2012.

By: Jenna

Jenna — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 14:01:38 +0000

George, I’m glad you and Meesh have posted similar sentiments. I’m a farm kid so I was raised to grieve quickly at the beginning, isolate that grief because there was work to be done, then move on and finish when the time was there. My family never sheltered me from the reality of mortality.

Monday night I was chastised via DMs for not grieving after I had posted a couple fun photos and comments when I went to bingo with some friends. This person refused to believe that I could return to the normalcy of my life so quickly.

Death is a part of life. Everyone handles it differently. Instead of breaking down I prefer to be strong and someone my friends can lean on when they are struggling. I was that way Sunday night when I took my friends to IMS and I’m sure I’ll be that way Sunday afternoon at the memorial.