Just Do It, IZOD
As we speak, IZOD is filming a new IndyCar commercial — this time in Panama. It’ll surely be a slick, high-octane spot filled with young people doing all their obnoxious young-people things … like spearfishing & sulking and so forth (or whatever it is young people do in tropical settings.) It’ll be your standard-issue IZOD commercial, and that’s fine. Anything new IZOD can give us is certainly better than the cerebral hemorrage they’ve been giving us.
But alas, I can’t help but think they’re missing a golden opportunity to market the League’s greatest natural resource: AJ Foyt. Because frankly, there’s not one segment of this population who he doesn’t appeal to … nor is he capable of being killed. He’s like a 275-pound chunk of nickel-plated Democracy, and it’s high time we capitalized on this.
You hear me, IZOD?!?! I want AJ Foyt in his OWN commercial, and I want it NOW! And I want it to shine. I want it to take all the clichéd marketing principals & strangle them with a bullwhip. Here. I’ll get you started:
[fade into scene of a silhouetted Panamanian tree line]
Foyt enters the beach from the uncut tropical forest carrying a four-wheeler, which is badly damaged. It’s clear that while most would have left the vehicle, he is not one of them. Anything less than 3 metric tons he feels obligated to carry.
He walks directly toward the camera with a severe limp, but says nothing. A spear is lodged deep in his calf, and his right arm is in a tourniquet. He pays his injuries no mind. He’s wearing a pair of IZOD cargo shorts & an ammunition rope around his neck — nothing else.
When he finally arrives at the camera, he drops the four-wheeler. "Wear IZOD," he says calmly, "or go f–k yourself."
You’re welcome, IZOD.